This One's For You, My Baby Boy

If you take a gander at my sidebar and find the section called tags, you will notice that there are over 100 posts on this site that mention foster care, over fifty that mention Simmy and only 30ish that mention Silas.

I guess it makes sense when you consider that this is a blog about foster care and Silas is just a 'regular old bio kid.' But Silas is a part of this process too and has made tremendous sacrifices on our journey just like the rest of us.

So, here's to you Silas!

Thank you for sharing your Mommy and Daddy with Simmy. Thank you for being 'dethroned' from your oldest-child position and for receiving considerably less attention than your more needy counterpart.

Thank you for sharing your toys, for taking more blows than anyone could keep count of and for accepting Simmy as your brud-er.

I love watching you develop into a more loving child every day. I love your kisses. Your sense of humor is unbelievable.

You are a gift from God, and I truly believe with all my heart that you will turn this world upside down for Him.

So, to my dear readers: If you have a 'plain ol' biological child,' give them an extra hug today. Or if you know one, tell them thank you. They, too, are a part of what God is doing in the lives of foster/adoptive families.

The Good, The Bad and The Sad

Whose idea was it to do respite for a newborn?!  For ten days?! 

Oh yeah, I guess that would have been me.

Mr. Z is beautiful and such a sweet cuddler, but let me tell ya, that kid can cry.  And cry, he does often.  Very often. 

He had a visit with his mom and dad on Monday.  It may have been one of the saddest things I have ever witnessed.  I wonder if his parents can live independently and take care of their own selves.  It is certain that they will not be able to care for Mr. Z or his 14 month old sibling alone. 

They love this little boy. 

What will happen to them?  Is there a program to help parents with cognitive disabilities raise their children? 

Beacon and I sat in the car after the visit ended and we fought back tears. 

What happens when two delayed adults have no support system and produce children?  They end up in foster care. 

Doesn't seem fair. 

And then on the other end of the spectrum you have Momma Kay who is perfectly mentally capable of taking care of her children yet neglected once again to show up for a visit.

I cannot tell you how badly I wish she would show up.  It is so hard to sympathize with a person you have never met and incredibly hard to look past her indifference.

The relative that was interested in Simmy has now been officially eliminated.  As you can imagine, we are very excited.  And yet, it smells. 

The worker- oh how I adore her- passed the relative's home inspection off on another county months ago.  The relative called daily for weeks.  The worker told her everyday that there was nothing she could do for her, that it was in the other counties hands.  The relative finally took a hint and lessened her calling to about once a week.  She checked on the kids and ask if anyone from the other county had ever contacted the worker, to no avail.

Finally, she stopped calling. 

Now that she has stopped calling, she has been eliminated. 

She was told there was no use in calling and then once she got tired of hearing it and actually stopped she was cut out of the picture.  Am I the only one who thinks that's unethical?

So, it's a mixed bag of feelings with this news.

I'm ecstatic Simmy is staying and I really think this will help with some of the behavioral issues we've been having.  I think he caught wind of the relative and was scared of leaving.   But I can't shake the feeling that his relative was screwed.

I'll Be His Chinese Food

Well, I'm over it.

It's kind of like this:

The kid still asks for a 'sandwich,' which is a slice of bread with a bit of butter spread on it.

When he first came, that's all he wanted to eat- he and Lou Lou.  From what we gather, that was their staple.

Now he has been introduced to Italian food, Mexican food, Japanese, Chinese, and good ol' greasy American food. 

But occassionally, he still longs for the familiar: a 'sandwich.'

He adores Chinese food- loves it.  And by asking for a 'sandwich' he is not denouncing his new-found love for Chinese food, just asking for a piece of the past.

I can be his Chinese food and he can ask for 'sandwich.'

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.  Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.  Love never fails.  
1 Corinthians 13:4-8a

"I Want to go Home."

He said that.  It happened.

I know I shouldn't be mad.  I really, really should not be mad.  I should understand, but I don't.

Home?  And exactly which home would that be, Simmy?

One of the homeless shelters?  A relative's house?  A stranger's home?  One of the abusive boyfriend's apartments?  I guess I'm a little foggy on which home you're referring to.

I guess home to you means wherever Momma Kay is. 

And that would make sense considering she doesn't care to see you, or talk to you or your siblings.  It especially makes sense when you throw in the fact that even when she had you she pawned you off on anyone who would take you... anyone.

But this stable home- you know the one with all the healthy and loving people- I guess it's just not hitting the spot.

The people who love you, despite the hell you put us through some times... what's wrong with us?

Don't worry.  I didn't say any of that.  I was supportive and loving. 

But we see where that's gotten me.

The Other Woman

...didn't show.

Momma Kay missed her visit today.  That makes 0 for 2.

She hasn't seen her children in at least 5 months.

The first visit she missed was the day before she moved out of state.  She requested it thinking she wouldn't see the kids for a long, long time and then never showed up.

So, next Tuesday we'll try it again.  And the Tuesday after.

I wish she would come.

He brought her flowers.  We brought them back home.  Fortunately, he didn't know who they were for.

Now they are for me.

A Rose by Any Other Name

Thank you so much for all the well wishes and congratulations on our announcement!

Several of you mentioned Justus and ask if we had come up with any other names.

Why, yes, we have!

Justus now has a middle name: Justus Malachi.

Justus means- surprisingly (LOL)- just or justice. And Malachi means my messenger. So, putting that all together, we dub Justus Malachi: God's messenger of justice. Give justice to the weak and the fatherless; maintain the right of the afflicted and the destitute. Psalm 82:3


And for a little girl... drum roll please... we have: Fable Grace.


Meaning: a story of grace or grace that is seemingly too good to be true. But the free gift is not like the trespass. For if many died through one man's trespass, much more have the grace of God and the free gift by the grace of that one man Jesus Christ abounded for many. Romans 5:15


And that's all we've got for now. I've had those names since before these twins were concieved and have not been able to come up with another boy or girl name yet. But I'm not worried. God always seems to give us the names we need.

All the Proof I Need

I intended to post this on Thursday, but some little discovery ended up overshadowing it. 

The last three to four weeks have been really rough with Simmy.  His behavior took a huge hit and he went back to old habits that we overcame months ago.

I know that this is pretty common, but that doesn't make it any less frustrating.

There was this layer of anger that began to surround him and it was kind of scary.

Things are slowly beginning to get back to normal for him.  We are still dealing with some lingering issues and a lot of defiance, but improvement is once again being made. 

I got kind of down.  No, I got down.  With the crappy worker and all the junk she doles out, with Simmy's behavior, and with the news of Momma Kay's visitation starting up this Tuesday- I got pretty bummed. 

Then our church had 'mission week' this past week.  A Bible School was held in the morning and service projects were done in the afternoon.  I love mission weeks/mission trips/missions.  So, I was very disappointed that this year I didn't really get to participate because of having all the children, their therapy appointments and Silas getting sick.

In summary: I was feeling pretty crappy about everything.

Wednesday, Simmy got to go to the mission week Bible School.  When he came back from class the assistant teacher- who is such a sweet lady from church- was beaming.  She told me that Simmy kept interrupting the lesson on the Crucifixion and Resurrection of Jesus because he was trying to teach it!

Simmy loves the story of Jesus!  I knew this, but I guess it took someone else telling me for it to really click.  

In that moment, it all became worth it.

If Simmy's behavior hits the gutter again after starting visits and never improves a bit while he's here, it's worth it.

If we continue to get jerked around and lied to all the way up until the day Simmy goes to his aunt's, it's worth it.

If I miss out on more things I love, it's worth it.

It's worth it because that little boy has the Gospel in his heart.

And although he may have to leave me, the Gospel will never leave him.  

Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.  

Proverbs 22:6